Today it snowed! - and it is still October and my hair continues growing!

It has suddenly gone cold here in the UK and today it snowed. Perhaps the winter this year is going to make up for the mild weather last year.
It is a little annoying as I am in the middle of repairing my daughter's car. Last week, the day before her birthday, she skidded driving home from work and banged into the edge of the pavement/sidewalk. This resulted in the front wheel being pushed back some 4 inches (100mm) and a severely bent lower suspension arm. She arrived at my house three hours later on the back of a tow truck, safe but cold and suitably contrite. From what I can see she has been extremely luck with no other obvious damage to the hub, anti roll bar, suspension strut or front sub-frame. So I have fitted a new suspension arm but need to finish off and tighten all the bolts to the correct torque. To finalise I will get the tracking adjustment checked as it will almost certainly be out of alignment and need adjusting. For safety I am also looking to replace the alloy front wheel because it must have taken the full impact and the tyre was split. E-bay is great for this but it takes forever waiting for the auctions to finish when you want something tomorrow.

As I have said before, I find it very difficult to motivate myself to crawl under cars any more. It is not just because I am getting older, it is just not the role that I am trying to develop. The only upsides are a very happy daughter and when I have finished, a long hot shower to get cleaned up with a change into something nice and satiny.

As a special sort of milestone in my life, at the beginning of the month I completed 40 years working for the same company - through the various company ownerships as we were bought out and consolidated over the years. I have lost count of the number of redundancy programs that I have survived and I often wonder if I would have been better off if I had been forced to take alternative employment and start a new career. This is something that I will never really be able to evaluate from a career point of view, but I know for sure that if I had moved employer I would not have met a special friend as a result or bonus of my travelling to the headquarters in Stockholm.

Well my hair has continued to grow and is now covering my ears nicely (I now have to wear a hat when I am working on the cars!!) but is getting to the point where it needs to be tidied up again as it is getting a little ragged. At times it seems to be growing outwards more then it grows downwards. So, it is time to plan a trip to the hairdressers again - real feminine territory and another major psychological barrier to overcome. Learning from my last visit I will start by having my hair washed but then I will then run into problems as the hairdresser will almost certainly ask me what style I want - and I really have no idea. I just what to enjoy it long and feminine or at least androgynous. As my hair has grown I have gradually moved my parting up from the side of my head (which was very male) to the middle which less definitive. I think that this gives me more scope with the hairdresser in the future. My hair is very curly and quite wiry so with "man think" I am not sure what options are really open to me, but with "woman think" anything becomes possible. I would even consider a perm if a good proposal was made and I felt it was right for me.

Dreamer......................

Busy Weekend

Well I think we have had the last of our summer with two nice sunny days over the weekend. Unfortunately this meant working on my daughters car for it's annual test. I am growing to hate this as it maintains the traditional male image that I am trying to loose. The only good thing was relaxing in the shower afterwards and getting into some nice lacy underware. Oh and the fact that I did not break any of my nails. They are currently very long on my right hand, to the point that my daughter was commenting on them.

Well, having found some ladies socks that fit, I have been trying to get into the routine of wearing them. Generally they are quite conservative so they do not raise any questions, I now need to try and buy some more which are perhaps more borderline to give me some choice in what to wear and when.

My hair continues to grow and I will need to plan another visit to the hairdressers. Ideally around the beginning of November so it has got a couple of months more growth since the last time. It will then be 13 months since I last had a man's haircut when it was cut very short. The problem will be trying to articulate what sort of style I want as I really don't know other than to keep it growing longer. This time I will also get it washed which will be another step along my journey. I am still not sure where my journey is taking me but I am continuing to develop mentally and in confidence with each step along the way so I know that I have by no means reached the end.

It is great to see Dee back on line safe and well with her gripping personal report of the hurricane. I cannot imagine having your home being blown away while you are in it as happend to her friend in Winnie. Also watching TH come back to life as power was restored in Houston.

Last week end I went to see my mother. She is 91 years old and lives on her own about 130m/210Km away. She is fiercely independent but fails to recognise how frail and vunerable she is. Well a month ago she had her handbag stolen and lost her glasses, bank cards and some cash. For once the police actually arrested someone - a girl! They were very lucky and found a fingerprint which identified her. She will be in court this week and I hope it will not be too much strain for my mother as she will probably have to attend to say what happend. As the girl had followed my mother into her house and used force to take the handbag, she has been charged with robbery which is a more serious offence and could (should) result in her being sent to prison. All in all my mother was very lucky as she was more shocked than hurt. However, it creates a lot of additional unwanted work in replacing the bank cards, insurance claim etc as my mother is not capable of doing these things herself anymore and I have to do everything remotely. Still, that is a small price to pay for her independence while she remains fit and alert enough to live on her own. I just hope I can follow her example.

.Dreamer............

Dee is safe

Via the TH web site, I understand that Dee is safe and well. I have no doubt that it has been a very unpleasant time for her and everyone else hit by either of the recent hurricanes, Gustav or Ike.

There is no news about her home yet, so please keep your fingers crossed that it has suffered little or no damage. For me hurricanes used to be just an item on the news in far away places. But now, having friends caught up in the trauma has brought a stark reality to the situation.

Dee, we miss you and hope you will be home soon.

Dreamer ...........

A Successful Week

Well last week had a number of positive highlights, not only in the journey along my personal road but in my personal life as well.

Well the suggestion had been made recently that I carry my cross dressing a little further by adding ladies socks to my wardrobe. Well this initially presented a problem with nothing being available over a size 8, when I was looking for size 9. Anyway I managed to buy two packs of three at the local supermarket which were labelled "One Size" with no upper limit - great. One pack is quite conservative in colour, they were labelled "Ladies Trouser Socks" but in reality were black lycra ankle high socks and almost like a thickish black ankle high stocking. Quite sheer and with a satiny shine.
Well I was travelling last week and I wore these socks through the airport security here in the UK and also at Schipol airport in Amsterdam. As you can imagine I had to walk through the metal detectors without my shoes and without any comment or double take by anyone - phew!
On another site I had previously reminised about an earlier search at Schipol airport which had resulted in a close frisking and an embarassed security guy as he realised I was wearing lacy knickers. So I am always wary of Schipol.

The other pack of socks were a little more daring, Pink with black spots, black with white spots and pink toes and heels, and plain black with white toes and heels. Well I thought I would wear the pink socks when I went to visit a really good friend who is very supportive and helpful. Well having put the socks on I was pretty comfortable leaving the hotel as they hardly showed. Then I got on the train and sat down and oops there they were exposed to the world. I ended up with a strategically placed bag to help hide them. Well the next day I wore the black socks with white spots and this time I was quite comfortable for them to be seen. Similarly When I flew home I wore the plain black socks with the white toes and heels. I felt quite comfortable in them even when I had to take my shoes off for security.
This has helped to build my self confidence. Most of our fears and worries are, after all, as a result of our own lack of self confidence rather than others. The main issue is recognising this and generating our self confidence.

While I was away I managed to see my friend and her children on Wednesday and Thursday evenings. This was the real highlight of my business trip.
I also tried to do three upgrades to her PC. So far only one of these upgrades has been successful, with a hardware problem on one and a software problem on the other. Hopefully we can resolve these problems easily and get the upgrades completed. This will add considerable functionality to her PC so it will be good to complete it.

Dreamer.............

Oops

Well I forgot to say that when I was shopping on Sunday I saw an offer of some small body sprays - 3 for a £1 /$2. Well I couldn't resist.

So yesterday as I got ready for work I had a very quick squirt of the spray (a light classic musk) which smelt really nice and sexy. It was a really small squirt which I thought wouldn't be noticable by the time I got to work. In addition I applied some neutral pink lip gloss. From what I could see in the mirror this did not seem to show up too much at all.

Well, for a change it was a sunny morning and as I got in the car I looked in the mirror and in the daylight/sunshine my lips were definitely glossy but fortunately not glaringly obvious and no harm was done. Later in the day as I was sitting at my desk I noticed the subtle scent of the musk from the body spray. It was not strong enough to be noticed by anyone else so all in all a really good day.

Dreamer........

Self Confidence

We all lack self confidence - some more than others. Sometimes all it takes is some positive thinking to overcome the problem but normally it takes some help and reassurance from a friend. Well last week I had a long chat with a very good friend and the topic turned to cosmetics - an area that I had not even considered exploring as part of my current journey. There we have it, the seeds were sown and I went shopping at the week end with a whole different agenda. What a bewildering world I found as I went exploring, so much marketing hype with different manufacturers using different names for the same sort of products. Anyway I eventually ended up with some Apple & Grape shower gel, Rose scented body lotion, lip gloss - both clear and a natural shade of pink, and at risk of going a step to far, mascara. Nothing was expensive but it was a whole new world. Even standing in those areas of the shops and browsing through the shelves took a degree of control to stop me feeling embarrassed. Yet so far, whenever I have been out shopping I have always found the ladies very helpful and accommodating as I moved along "their" shelves. Clearly much of our uneasiness is generated by ourselves, rather than others, because we are not in our usual environment. I think this mirrors my feelings and uneasiness at going to the hairdressers, and yet I was made to feel at ease by all the ladies there.

As individuals this is a very difficult lesson for us to learn, and even then each new situation presents another hurdle to get across.

Dreamer............

Success

Well I kept my appointment at the hairdressers this morning. I was tidied up in no time at all without any embarrassment although I did feel awkward for the first few minutes. So a big success!
I was a bit taken aback when the first question was - did I want it washed and that it would be no trouble - definitely not a man's salon! Well since I had just washed it the previous night I said no, but next time I will indulge and be pampered. We discussed a number of other things such as having layers. I explained that my hair was naturally very curly and I thought I needed the length and weight to help straighten it. I was reassured however, that some simple layers would help my hair grow downwards rather than outwards. So now I have layers! She also asked me what style I wanted so that she could cut the hair to support it. I deferred this decision until until next time, saying that at the moment my target was just to grow my hair down to my shoulders. At this, there was encouragement from one of the other customers who said - "Go for it"! Considering that I hadn't had my hair cut for 11 months, she was very complimentary about its condition and specifically that I had no split ends.

So all in all I have achieved what I set out to do and a bit more. Having it washed and discussions about style are definitely on the agenda for my next visit in a couple of months.

This is another big step down my road to I don't know where.

Dreamer.................