Oops

Well I forgot to say that when I was shopping on Sunday I saw an offer of some small body sprays - 3 for a £1 /$2. Well I couldn't resist.

So yesterday as I got ready for work I had a very quick squirt of the spray (a light classic musk) which smelt really nice and sexy. It was a really small squirt which I thought wouldn't be noticable by the time I got to work. In addition I applied some neutral pink lip gloss. From what I could see in the mirror this did not seem to show up too much at all.

Well, for a change it was a sunny morning and as I got in the car I looked in the mirror and in the daylight/sunshine my lips were definitely glossy but fortunately not glaringly obvious and no harm was done. Later in the day as I was sitting at my desk I noticed the subtle scent of the musk from the body spray. It was not strong enough to be noticed by anyone else so all in all a really good day.

Dreamer........

Self Confidence

We all lack self confidence - some more than others. Sometimes all it takes is some positive thinking to overcome the problem but normally it takes some help and reassurance from a friend. Well last week I had a long chat with a very good friend and the topic turned to cosmetics - an area that I had not even considered exploring as part of my current journey. There we have it, the seeds were sown and I went shopping at the week end with a whole different agenda. What a bewildering world I found as I went exploring, so much marketing hype with different manufacturers using different names for the same sort of products. Anyway I eventually ended up with some Apple & Grape shower gel, Rose scented body lotion, lip gloss - both clear and a natural shade of pink, and at risk of going a step to far, mascara. Nothing was expensive but it was a whole new world. Even standing in those areas of the shops and browsing through the shelves took a degree of control to stop me feeling embarrassed. Yet so far, whenever I have been out shopping I have always found the ladies very helpful and accommodating as I moved along "their" shelves. Clearly much of our uneasiness is generated by ourselves, rather than others, because we are not in our usual environment. I think this mirrors my feelings and uneasiness at going to the hairdressers, and yet I was made to feel at ease by all the ladies there.

As individuals this is a very difficult lesson for us to learn, and even then each new situation presents another hurdle to get across.

Dreamer............

Success

Well I kept my appointment at the hairdressers this morning. I was tidied up in no time at all without any embarrassment although I did feel awkward for the first few minutes. So a big success!
I was a bit taken aback when the first question was - did I want it washed and that it would be no trouble - definitely not a man's salon! Well since I had just washed it the previous night I said no, but next time I will indulge and be pampered. We discussed a number of other things such as having layers. I explained that my hair was naturally very curly and I thought I needed the length and weight to help straighten it. I was reassured however, that some simple layers would help my hair grow downwards rather than outwards. So now I have layers! She also asked me what style I wanted so that she could cut the hair to support it. I deferred this decision until until next time, saying that at the moment my target was just to grow my hair down to my shoulders. At this, there was encouragement from one of the other customers who said - "Go for it"! Considering that I hadn't had my hair cut for 11 months, she was very complimentary about its condition and specifically that I had no split ends.

So all in all I have achieved what I set out to do and a bit more. Having it washed and discussions about style are definitely on the agenda for my next visit in a couple of months.

This is another big step down my road to I don't know where.

Dreamer.................

Ladies Hairdressers

Well, I finally plucked up the courage to ring a Ladies Hairdresser and booked an appointment for Saturday morning. After a lot of debate I decided to use our local Hairdresser which is very close to where I live. In for a penny - in for a pound as we say.

There was a bit of supprise in the Hairdresser's response over the phone when I asked if I could book an appointment. I think she is imagining I want a man's haircut. Well I explained that I had been growing my hair and it needed a trim to tidy it up. I have a feeling I should been a bit more detailed, but the truth is that I am not sure just what to say or ask for in womens terms. So I will have to see what happens on Saturday morning. I think I will just say that I have been growing my hair for the last year and it needs tidying. As I want to grow it down to my shoulders I don't want to lose the general length or at least not very much. If I add that it is an opportunity for the hairdresser to see my hair so that she can advise on future care and be more prepared for my next visit, that may open things up a little as I don't think I would be able to ask for a women's style just yet.

It's another step along the road to I know not where and I am pleased I have taken it. I just hope it is a successful visit.

Dreamer

Clothes - another step along the way for a closet Cross Dresser trying to escape

I recently bought some skirts from eBay. Today I was looking in Asda (the UK Wal-Mart) for a nice top to go with them. It sounds silly, but standing in the middle of the ladies clothing section checking out clothes in my size - I'm definitely not petite - can be somewhat daunting. It shouldn't be, because the clothes could be for anyone, but knowing that they were for me made me feel uncomfortably and self conscious.

Eventually I found a really nice simple V-necked jumper with long sleeves in just the right size, and available in pale Lemon or Pink. I bought the lemon one. I am really pleased with it, it fits well and it looks nice on with several of the skirts. The amazing thing is that a few months ago I would never have even looked at such a colour. I also liked the pink one and felt comfortable at the thought of wearing it. I may go back tomorrow and buy it as well as it wasn't at all expensive. I found that a necklace displayed nicely in the V-neck makes a huge difference and immediately tilts the balance of perception sharply in favour of female rather than any lingering male doubts. I really am starting to understand the pleasure all you ladies get when out shopping for clothes.

These are small simple things, but to me they are giant steps forward. My next big hurdle will be to book myself in at the ladies hairdresser's for a trim to tidy up my hair as it is now quite long. Whether or not I can face asking for a shampoo as well remains to be seen but I know a manicure is a step too far at the moment.

I think this must be several steps along the road to who knows where.

Dreamer